I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
