so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
