Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
