You just made me feel so damn special
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I just put wine in my tea
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
