You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
