and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
