hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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