I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
