so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
