Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
