I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
