I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
