they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
