Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
