Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
