In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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