I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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