just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
