Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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