Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize