I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
zippers are such a cool invention
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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