We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
