Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
last night I used snow as a chaser
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
