Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
