Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think i have herpe
just one?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
