he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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