Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
