thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
