I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
