Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
