brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
