everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize