My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
