i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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