How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
