You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
