youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
