dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
