Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
