we have pet lesbian snakes
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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