Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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