just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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