I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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