someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
