He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
