I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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