Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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