My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Welp...herpes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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