"it" just moved
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
