having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
