ya dads aren't the best wingmen
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize