All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
