3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
