My first STD was from a foam party
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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