Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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