I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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