i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok