a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness