I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden