I wanna passion pit in your ass
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
