I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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