so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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