finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
