just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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